#014 Run Against the Wind

          Yesterday I felt like I was going to be ill.  I’ve been spending quite a lot of time just in bed and living on the Internet, or lying in my sofa watching Psych.  And it came to me.  I miss all the action.  All those tight deadlines and the work pressure.  All the challenges that made me feel both exhausted and exhilarated.  I miss running against the wind.

Feel. Alive. Real.

On a different note, I also miss a lot of the little things I used to do when I was all by myself in Brunei.

it's the little things...

“I still get wildly enthusiastic about little things… I play with leaves. I skip down the street and run against the wind.”

-Leo F. Buscaglia (1924-1998)

#013 Exploring

Fantasy...

         

           Today I decided to explore BEYOND my comfortable drawing zone.  I’m always drawing a certain style of fashion illustration.  As an artist, we’re all required to explore, to see more of the world and to be inspired, to experience a wide range of emotions and to contrast present artistic styles with others.

A little world of our own.

In my case I’ve always been a fan of sketches with a feel of fantasy.  Dwarves and fairies and all those magical earthly creatures are of a world that I can’t wait to master.

#012 We DON’T Need Heroes

          I went to Intramuros here in Manila with my friends.  We visited the place where the Philippine national hero, Jose Rizal was held captive until he was executed.  This made me think about heroes.  Where are they now? Did they all die? Or are heroes now different from heroes then?

Do we still need heroes?

          Maybe ONE person who will urge everyone for change isn’t enough nowadays.  Everyone is inspired by everyone and everything that can communicate.  Methods of brainwashing are left and right.  One person alone cannot do that today.  Perhaps it is really no longer about someone leading the way, but for individuals to decide to be heroes themselves, both in little personal ways and in group action.

#011 Life is Too Short

We really only have it for such a short while.

Life.

“Life is beautiful . We live until we die. Life is beautiful. But it’s complicated. We barely make it. We don’t need to understand. There are miracles. Life is beautiful. Our hearts they beat and break. Stand where you are. We let all these moments pass us by.”

“It’s amazing where I’m standing. There’s a lot that we can give. This is ours just for the moment. There’s a lot that we can can give.”

Life is Beautiful by Vega4

#010 The End

          I’ve always had a penchant for “doomsday films”.  My craving for the thrill of running away from apocalyptic events was something I could never explain.  But today, with all the sadness that surrounds us, I saw the “end of the world” in a different light.  Instead of being scary and chaotic, it could be the best time to go.  Imagine a moment where together everyone shall move on to what is next to life.  Nobody will be ahead, nobody will be left behind.  Nobody will miss anyone. No tears shed. No grave sadness. Just looking forward, altogether.

For us who are left behind...

         But this is not how it is.  At least as far as we know now, life gets as painful as it can be for everyone.  Someone always goes ahead and most of us are left behind.  It helps to think that they are now in a much better place, and I guess this is not just because we wish them well, but also because we know we are still here, still part of the ride.  Others maybe enjoying it right now, but many are also eager to hop off.

 

In Memoriam

          One time, during our pattern-making lessons, we were taking notes on the different kinds of skirts.  Full circle, half-circle, the pleated ones. Ken was behind me, she squinted her eyes, and asked, “Ugh… What’s that? Machine Done Pleats?” She pronounced Done as in CONE. MACHINE DHOOWN.  I fell silent, and then everyone laughed.

Life. Is. Beautiful.

          Now, there won’t be any days like that, nor of days of good food shared over gossip and rants or exchanging ringtones or watching movie premieres or sending each other random sweet little quotes or sharing corny jokes and life-lessons… for she, has passed away.

A Better Place

“To my girlfriends, happy Valentine’s Day! It’s the day to celebrate love, to remind us how powerful love can be.  Love keeps us alive and keeps us going, we do what we do no matter how frustrating life can get because we love, with love there are no regrets, there are no wrong decisions made by the heart, with love anything is possible! Ode to love! I’m glad to have found love in you. Thanks for being my friends and for loving me 🙂 I love you & happy Valentine’s Day!”

-Ken Lacia-Binay, 11:51pm, 13 February 2009

We love you Ken and you will be in our hearts…

#009 Confession: Cigarettes

         

it's just not into me.

           Back in college I shared a flat with my two bestfriends.  They are both smokers and it didn’t really bother me that much.  Even during that time we let one of our guy friends bring his other friends in and they huffed and puffed with the windows closed so that the walls smelled of plastic cup ashtrays for a week.  But one day, while I was tidying up the living room, I saw a half-empty pack of Marlboro reds.  Without hesitation I picked it up, and threw it out the window.  My bestfriends came back and they were both looking for it.  I told them I didn’t see it.  Somehow, no confessions necessary, they knew I threw it away.  One thing they still don’t know is, I used to bum cigarettes from them, or secretly take one or two sticks and throw it away or flush it down the toilet.  I figured I was helping them by throwing away their money instead of burning it. It was an odd phase of my life.

A friend of mine chokes if he doesn't smoke.

          I tried smoking cigarettes during college.  Everybody said it helped them relax and chill.  Somehow it just didn’t work on me.  I tried all kinds. Reds, Lights, Mint, girly flavors, slim sticks, nothing had any effect except my throat felt dry and rough minutes later.  And the same goes for weed.  The only time it really had an effect on me was in Koh Phi Phi in Thailand.  But who knows if it was that or the many tiny bits of happiness people slipped on each other’s drinks.

          Cigars, habanos and the like, I applaud.  When I first tried one it really put my head into a slow hazy spin.  Some brands have a more subtle effect, but they all manage to calm me down.  Slow down my thoughts that often are racing and battling each other.  Commercial relaxers can be our friends at certain times.

#008 Mozart’s Light

Sound of silver talk to me...

          I’ve been listening to a lot of Mozart lately, from the Allegro to Carmina Burana and even Fur Elise.  What probably reminds the classical composers of legendary music, in my case reminds me of awesome films and their trailers.  Endless weddings have played Canon in D Major and the Marriage of Figaro because they are simply PERFECT for the occasion.  The sound seems to channel the exact emotion, enhancing it along the way.  But is there more for this music in our lives apart from ceremonies and silverscreens?

blinding lights, mute screams

          I wish there would be a revival in classical music.  All my love goes to the wonderful music in the past few years but I have a strong feeling that there is something from way in the past that is just waiting for our generation to uncover.  A lost feeling perhaps? An experience from centuries ago that is possibly relatable to us too?  I dream of classical music being part of my life’s soundtrack and not just of sci-fi or fantasy heroes.  But listening to Carmina Burana and it’s strength and power, how will such intense rhythm and beats fit into days devoid of hanging in a cliff during a storm, or running for dear life as buildings fall and crumble, or defending yourself from a troop of bloodthirsty villains?

#007 Death

Infinite Darkness Silence Emptiness

          The other day I came across an awkward feeling while I was reflecting on death.  I was thinking about what exactly will happen to me right after my last breath.  It started with, will it be heaven or hell or none? It was rather difficult imagining heaven or hell, so I thought about the third option.  And it meant NOTHING. I interpreted it as an abrupt movement from alive and kicking, to being inexistent, meaningless.  At first it felt like watching a film, then an immediate black screen. THE END. But you don’t take your eyes off the screen. You simply remain in your position infinitely. Until you lose consciousness. And all those thoughts, dilemmas, emotions, everything will be reduced to nothingness.

Is there really a light at end of the tunnel?

          I am really finding it hard to describe the emotion precisely. Imagining the feeling of infinite nothingness is so hard to put in words.  Hence I shall hold the thought and instead, ponder on life and living, and all of our beloved who have passed…

Rest In Paradise VG, JD, MD, BN…

#006 Skanky Slut Ho

Every girl secretly wants to be one. Well, some girls not so secretly really.

Ladies leave your man at home. The club is full of ballers...

Google up “I want to be a SLUT” You’ll be surprised how many articles / guidelines there are… 🙂

better dip that thing...